Lenalee's Guide To Writing Fangirlish Fanfiction
by ArunaAru
Summary: AU Lenalee is a yaoi-fanfiction writer, that enjoys placing her friends in... Situations... I am Allen Walker. I am a victim. Lucky, Laven Yullen/Arekan kind of crack-ish over exaggeration of fangirlish tendencies


**Lenalee Lee's Guide To Writing Fangirlish Fanfiction**

**Chapter One: A Guide And Ice Cream**

I was warily watching Lenalee Lee on her laptop, looking for help with writing her fanfiction. She needed help with her writing, as her goal was to become the best she could be.

She soon found a guide that met her standards and began reading.

_**How to Write an Excellent Fan Fiction**___

_Here is a condensed, easily-accessible guide to writing a compelling and popular Fanfic!  
>Hopefully, this will help to redefine the ten basic "rules" and allow more excellent stories to emerge and satiate the growing need in the Community.<em>

_So, let us begin:_

_**1. Know How to Write a Story**___

_It may sound basic, but most stories lack the underlying structure on which a tale is based upon. Without this mold most stories will fail spectacularly, quickly losing readers to boredom or confusion, the writer's worst enemies._

_All good stories have six essential parts:_

_Exposition:  
>This is the beginning of the work, usually it introduces the characters (although names aren't a requirement) and the general theme and tone for the story. It can last for anything from a paragraph to a few chapters and gives the reader all the information they need to know to begin enjoying the tale.<em>

_Narrative Hook:  
>This is the great catch which makes the reader want to keep reading the story. (Depending on the length of the work, it can be after the introduction or included in the end stages of the Exposition.) Take the first Harry Potter book for instance, the Hook occurred when Hagrid made an entrance and announced that Harry was a wizard. It was a pivotal moment which made the reader significantly more interested in continuing to read.<em>

_Rising Action:  
>These are the first obstacles in which the characters face; the introduction of supporting characters (who vary in importance) and the first clues to the inevitable climax.<em>

_Climax:  
>The moment of change in the story; it's not a small moment of realization for a character, or an emotional obstacle, but the <em>_biggest__ and most important moment in the whole story. Anything and everything the characters encounter leads up to this.  
>Now, don't be mislead: if the tale is long enough, it can, in fact, have more than one climax. The Lord of the Rings, for instance, had several throughout the three-book trilogy.<em>

_Falling Action (also known as the Recovery):  
>After the climax, this is the action which leads to closure. Questions are answered, problems are resolved, and the tale tends to slow dramatically.<em>

_Dénouement (pronounced Deh-new-moi):  
>This is the closure of the story, the ending and final Resolution. Some writer's choose to leave the story "hanging" with unresolved conflicts to purposely aggravate the reader to create a sense of drama; but be prepared; this could incite a negative response from readers if it isn't handled correctly.<em>

_**2. Choose your Fiction**___

_This is the most important decision (naturally) in the process of writing a fanfic: the literature, real life event/person or television tale upon which your story will be based. Make sure (and this will sound silly, but there ARE people who overlook this) that you__ understand __the original story/event. This is particularly important if you are writing about a television series that hasn't been completely aired (like House, Bones or another show currently in production) or an unfinished book series. In those instances, it may be imperative to note __where__ in the plotline of the original story that __your__ tale takes place to avoid confusion. It may also take a little research, like actually__ reading__ the original book in its entirety. (Yes, I have read fanfics in which the writer had __no idea__ what actually happened in the book.)_

_Popular story/event choices include Inuyasha, Twilight, Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Lord of the Rings, Teen Titans and real life stars (musical groups, actors or "behind the scenes" of a show/movie). Harry Potter, though, is quite obviously the most popular at the moment._

_I will, however, caution a new writer against using this particular topic; there have been SO many HP fanfics that originality has become extremely difficult to come across. I would suggest that if you intend to undertake a HP fiction, you do a great amount of study of the books and read several other fanfics to come up with a truly unique take on the story and eliminate the possibility of accidentally copying someone else's story idea.  
>Most importantly, <em>_choose a story you enjoy!__ You don't want to become bored with your own work._

_**3. Be True to the Pre-made Characters**___

_When writing a fan fiction, be sure to retain the personality of the characters which you "borrow" from the original author. If you DO intend to drastically change a character's emotions or actions, make sure that you give the __reasoning __behind the change. A real person does not suddenly change their entire personality unless some event occurs that evokes the change, so neither should your characters._

_For instance, Harry Potter would not __suddenly__ become a Death Eater unless something substantial happened or he was put under a spell. Likewise, Inuyasha will not magically lose his temper, Orlando Bloom will not marry a waitress on their first date and Edward Elric will not (unfortunately) grow three feet in height. Sorry, but the laws of nature (action equals reaction) do, in most cases, still apply._

_**4. Original Characters**___

_These are those wonderful characters which sprout from your imagination which may or may not be included in your flight of literary fancy._

_Let us condense these points to make it simpler:_

_A) Keep Original characters to a minimum. If too many previously unknown people enter the mix readers can get confused. So focus on two or three invented characters instead of a host of random people who clutter up the story._

_B) __**PLEASE**__ NO MARY SUES! Its one thing to create an original character who (naturally and believably) falls in love with a pre-existing person, but it's completely another to invent one of those horrible creatures which plague fandom, the Mary Sue. A Mary Sue is an original character (usually beautiful, powerful and infallible) who falls deeply in love with one of the pre-existing characters on first sight, then seduces and beds them in one night, thus creating the __illusion__ of true love. Meanwhile, the pre-existing character willingly abandons their personality, friends and beliefs to further pursue this person they__ don't know__, proposes instantaneously, and believes they'll "be together forever". Sorry, but these plots are annoying, repetitive and completely unbelievable._

_C) Sorry, but nobody's perfect! When you're mulling over the attributes you'd like your original characters to have, please remember that no one can do everything! Too many talents or gifts makes a person seem fake and boring. If they can do everything (fly, shoot fireballs, do gymnastics, fight with every weapon, see into the future, and are indestructible), then there's no suspense because they can solve every situation. It is better to focus on one or two things that make the person unique, like an unusual ability or magical power._

_For instance, (I will use this example a lot) Harry Potter has two main talents: his Quidditch skills and his skill with defense against the dark arts. He also has one distinguishing feature: the lightning bolt scar on his forehead. It is his normalcy, klutziness and flaws which allow the audience to associate with him, to put themselves in his shoes._

_Also, make them work in your world that you've chosen. People in modern day America, for instance, don't usually speak ancient Romanian as their primary language. If your character's attributes coexist appropriately with your chosen setting, the whole thing will be more believable._

_**5. The Plot**___

_When you begin your quest to write a story, no matter how trivial, it's a good idea to know in what direction you want it to follow. Most writers choose a solid beginning and ending, then write the story in between, but as long as you have a __basic__ idea of where your story is going, it's all right. Do you want the story to be about the relationship of two characters (If so, how does that relationship evolve?) or the journey of a group of people (If so, how does the journey end?) This gives you a goal to write towards and makes the whole process much easier._

_**As an extra note: **__  
>I've noticed recently that there is a horrific trend starting of authors commenting on their stories <em>_in the middle of the story__. This, and I can't stress this enough, is a terrible no-no. It upsets the flow of the story, drags the reader out of it, and makes it harder to retain information about the plot. No one wants to see this: __When Johnny turned the corner he saw a monster! (OMG, isn't that so scary? I had fun writing this.)__ PLEASE avoid this at all costs._

_**6. Subplots**___

_If your story only has a single plot line then it will get boring fairly quickly. It is side-plots and small happenings in the tale which makes it well-rounded and interesting. Take Inuyasha for instance (see, no Harry this time); even though the main plot in the story is to gather the Shikon Jewel shards and defeat Naraku, the story also involves the growing affection between characters, individual demon-fights to help people and purely unnecessary episodes for comedic relief. These side-stories are usually the most fun to write, so don't forget about them!_

_**7. Grammar and Punctuation**___

_Most of you probably think this is a given, but I have yet to run across a fan fiction which does not have at least one major, repetitive error. So, knowing this, let me spell out a few basics:_

_You're/Your:  
>This is the MOST common mistake in all of known literature. "You're" is a contraction meaning "you are", while "your" implies possession.<br>Incorrect:  
>You're book is over there. Your my best friend!<br>Correct:  
>Your book is over there. You're my best friend!<em>

_Run-ons and Fragments:  
>Complete sentences are necessary unless you are quoting a character's words. A Run-on sentence is one which is too long and needs to be divided into smaller segments.<br>Incorrect:  
>"Hey!" he called, waving his hands and running forward and then tripping and falling on his face.<br>Correct:  
>"Hey!" he called, waving his hands and running forward. Then, he tripped and fell on his face.<em>

_A Fragment is an incomplete sentence, meaning it's missing either a Subject or a Direct Object.  
>Incorrect:<br>While I was in school.  
>Correct:<br>While I was in school, I spoke with the Principal._

_Apostrophes:  
>These should a only be used when implying possession in a sentence or creating a contraction (example: changing cannot to can't).<br>Incorrect:  
>I rubbed my eye's. My dogs teeth are sharp.<br>Correct:  
>I rubbed my eyes. My dog's teeth are sharp.<br>If the thing which has possession is plural, or ends with an "s" then the apostraphe should appear at the end of the word. Example: "The teams' scores..." Or "The sissors' handle..."_

_Spell-check:  
>The easiest way to handle this is to type your fan fiction in a Word document and use the "spell-check" tool option, but if a computer or appropriate programs are unavailable, a dictionary is a writer's best friend.<em>

_**8. Fresh Word Choices**___

_If a story uses the same descriptive words __over and over__, then things will get uninteresting. Try using a thesaurus or online dictionary to improve your vocabulary and (for the love of all things good and holy) avoid the word "very"! There are a multitude of other synonyms that could be used instead of that horribly overused word.  
>For example:<br>I am very happy.  
>OR<br>I feel so gloriously exuberant and joyous!_

_**9. Dead Ends**___

_These are also commonly known as "writer's block". This occurs when the writer, usually in a flourish of creativity, creates a wonderfully unique obstacle to face their characters, and then realizes there is no way to write them out of it. The best way to avoid this particular pitfall is to __think ahead.___

_For example:_

_Your character is locked in a closet with no doors or windows, is completely unarmed and has a villain holding a knife against their throat._

_Usually, this would spell out doom for the character (and raise some questions such as: how did they get into the room in the first place?) but if you think ahead, you can give your character a means of escape._

_A single light bulb hangs between them on a wire, which the character grabs, breaks onto his attacker's forehead (rendering him unconscious) and then yanks the wire to cave in the ceiling. The hole created is then large enough for him to escape through._

_**10. BE CREATIVE!**___

_This is the MOST IMPORTANT of all the fan fiction guidelines. To state it simply, if it isn't a creative and compelling story, __what's the point of writing it?__ Try to avoid stereotypical characters (the dumb blonde, the jock, the skater boy, etc.) by giving each character a past and reasoning behind their actions. Over used plot points and arcs (Romeo and Juliet, ultimate good versus ultimate evil, etc.) should be avoided unless you have a really new and creative way to present them._

_For the most part, just try to have fun with the story. After all, if you don't enjoy writing it, why would others enjoy__ reading __it?_

_**There you have it! **___

_As a final note, always remember to note a disclaimer of __where__ your borrowed fiction comes from and to __whom__ it belongs to. That way, you'll avoid a lot of legal problems and corporate mumbo-jumbo. Also, remember that while writing fan fiction and sharing it is fine, it is __illegal__ to sell or gain monetary profit from it in any way._

_But in most situations, Dojinshi are an exception._

_Now, you can get started on your own unique story! What are you waiting for? __**Get Writing!**_

…

…

…

The young woman smiled. And got out the dreaded notebook that all of her (male) friends were afraid of. On the first page, in neat cursive handwriting, read;

'**Lenalee's Book Of Yaoi**'

And this was the reason so many of her friends were afraid of something as simple as a notebook. Even Kanda Yuu was a little afraid, and that was saying something. The man wasn't afraid of much, and when he was, well… It made others afraid even more. The only person, or anything really, that could reduce Kanda to near tears of fright, was Lenalee and her book of yaoi.

What IS yaoi? You may ask?

Google it.

No seriously, google it.

My name is Allen Walker.

And Lenalee Lee is one of my best friends.

We are currently sitting at the local library, waiting for Lavi to finish work so we could go out for ice cream, and whilst Lavi is working, and I'm typing an ancient history essay, our dear friend Lenalee is writing in that dreaded notebook.

Kanda, Lavi and I, had once tried to burn that wretched book, but we had failed in our mission, and spent the rest of our weekend shackled to bed posts and given thorough explanations of yaoi, and were slapped THREE TIMES for whenever we closed our eyes for more than three seconds, or turned away.

That day was pure torture.

When Lenalee left to go get some water, Kanda managed to cut the ropes with his Mumen or whatever that sword is called. I never really took any notice of it's name of all things, only that it is very sharp, and I _never want it to go anywhere near me ever again._

That's sword's too pointy for its own good.

And thank the lord Lenalee didn't confiscate that thing when she restrained us.

If she did, I don't believe I would be here now.

The three of us would probably be in a mental institute, trying to get over the trauma.

I've had ENOUGH trauma, I accidentally killed my own FATHER for goodness sakes. But now's not the time for that.

I just hope she's not writing about _myself and Kanda in a relationship eh hem_ again.

It was bad enough the _first _time when she made us READ IT, and give her advice on how we would portray our, dare I say it_, feelings_ for each other.

FEELINGS? We bloody hate each other! The only feelings are hate! Hate I say! Nothing more nothing less! Never! Absolutely NEVER IN A MILLION- Ok, Allen. Breathe in, breath out. Breathe in, breathe out.

But as I was saying, we will never and have never had feelings for each other like what Lenalee writes in her stories.

She even went as far as to handcuff our left ankles AND wrists together, and our right wrists to bed posts AGAIN while we were sleeping. She even took half of our clothes! I think she even slipped us sleeping pills because we're both actually pretty light sleepers.

Anyway, I better get back to writing my essay. I'm on my last year of school now (if I don't get held back of course), so I have to try as hard as I can to get the best grades I can. Especially with the school kind of not really liking me and all.

Come on, I'm the weirdo with white hair, a black left arm that looks like a tattoo butt's really the remnants of a burn that healed strangely, a scar on my face that looks like a tattoo as well, and eats more than all the other students combined.

I think they will actually be glad to see me go at the end of the year. Glad just like they were glad to get rid of the boy with a sword and long hair that was perpetually scowling and threatening to cop everyone that crossed his path into tiny bits and feed them to the dogs at the pound near the school.

He's kinda scary, Kanda is.

Especially when he's actually being NICE. The scariest thing about Kanda, is probably when he's actually smiling. Probably not the smile you're thinking of either. It's sort of like an evil smirk more than a smile, and instead of glaring, his eyes are completely blank, and kind of creepy, just really… Scary.

But not as scary as Master… Or an empty food cabinet.

I love food. Food's delicious, food's wonderful, food's beautiful and amazing, and pretty, and addictive, food is perfection, food is made of pure joy, and happiness, and wonderfulness, and food…. Is just amazing. Food is beautiful. If food was human, I'd propose on the spot.

Aaaah, food. How I love you so.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, when I'm not with youuuu, my skies are greeyyyy (ETCETC) so please don't taaaakee, my sunshine awaaaayyy.

Yes I love food that much. Why wouldn't I? Food is my LIFE, I have no IDEA what I would do without my precious food. Food just means that much to me.

"Allen? Why are you drooling?" Lenalee asked, as she finally looked up from her notebook.

"I- What? I was drooling? Now why would I be DROOLING, of all things, I was just thinking about-"  
>"Kanda?"<p>

"W-Wait wha? Kanda? Why would I be drooling about KANDA when I was thinking about-"  
>"LAVI?"<p>

"Wha? No I was thinking about-"

"What? Who was thinking about me? Moyashi? You were thinking about me, where you? I'm flattered." Lavi suddenly appeared out of nowhere, causing me to squeak and fall out of the chair, causing Lavi to catch me, and then Lenalee squeed and fell over from a nosebleed, causing us to be kicked out of the library because of 'Public Displays of Affection' and 'Loud, Disruptive, Noise' by Bookman Senior causing us (Lavi and Myself) to be thrown on top of Kanda (who was waiting outside) and Lenalee was walked out after she saved my work, recovered from her nosebleed, and packed her things.

Whew, what a long sentence that probably didn't make sense in the least. Sigh.

Well at least I tried, correct?

"Che. What took you so long?"

"We were kicked out because I drooled."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"That was the root of the problem. And NO, Lenalee, I WAS NOT THINKING OF THOSE TWO. I was thinking of my precious mitareshi dango~ Oh how I love you so… Precious, my sweet precious… Oh how delicious you are.. Yes you are, oh yes you-… are… He heh he…"

All I got was blank stares. Uuuhmm…

"Heh he, OK anyway, let's go get some ice cream then hey? OK, let's go…"

I then ran off towards where I thought the ice cream place was, and my friends just stood still.

"ALLEN! YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY! YOU'RE GOING EAST NOT SOUTH-WEST!"

Lavi yelled, and I halted.

"Oh. He heh he heh he…" I laughed nervously and ran back towards my friends, who had started walking in the near-opposite direction as I was.

Oops.

Well, I never WAS good with directions…

**A/N: This is very random. I had this sitting in my hard drive for a while half finished, and finally decided to get it out and start writing it again. As for the guide at the start, I don' know where it's from, my friend from school emailed me the document, so if you know where it's from, please tell me, and if I'm not allowed to use it, I'll take it down and put up something else in its place. The story is basically about Kanda Lavi and Allen (+ others) trying to avoid being put into fanfiction with one of the others written by Lenalee and posted on the internet. The story will also include tips from Lenalee in writing fanfiction which are disapproved of by her (male) friends. Also Kanda and Allen's fight for survival. Hiding from a rabid fangirl who is coincidently their best friend is a lot harder than it sounds you know. Especially when you hate each other. :/**

**Not very well written (but long) AU DGM Yullen, Lucky, and Laven fic.**

**Oh, and please pay no attention to this, it's just an over exaggeration of fangirlish tendencies.**


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